The Stories We Make Up And How They Affect Our Lives

Have you ever realized that the hardest part of a situation wasn’t what actually happened — but the story you told yourself about it?

Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about the stories we make up in our heads. The ones that feel true in the moment, even when we don’t have all the facts. The ones that quietly shape how we feel, how we react, and sometimes how our relationships unfold.

This realization hit me recently in a very personal way — and once I noticed it, I couldn’t stop seeing it everywhere. In my relationships. In my day-to-day decisions. Even in the smallest moments that seem insignificant at the time.

That’s what I want to talk about here — how easily we fill in the gaps, why our brains tend to default to the negative, and what can happen when we pause long enough to question the story we’re telling ourselves.

When Stories Hurt

I’ve been on both sides of this.

I’ve had stories made up about me — stories that weren’t completely true — and they damaged relationships in really painful ways. When someone fills in gaps without facts, it can break trust, create distance, and leave lasting hurt.

But here’s the harder part to admit:

I recently realized I did the exact same thing to someone else.

I heard a small piece of a story, filled in the rest myself, and suddenly I felt annoyed… distant… less interested in being around that person. And when I stopped to really look at it, I realized I wasn’t being fair at all. I wasn’t responding to facts — I was responding to a story I created in my head.

That realization hit deep.

We Do This More Than We Think

The more I sat with it, the more I realized how often I do this — not just in relationships, but in everyday decisions.

Here’s a small but telling example from my own day.

It was around noon and I was hungry. I hadn’t eaten yet, which isn’t unusual for me. As I headed downstairs, I started telling myself this story:

I’m starving. I don’t care what I eat. I’ll just grab something quick — a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, some Goldfish, maybe frozen pizza. It doesn’t matter.

But here’s the truth:

It did matter.

Those foods weren’t what I actually wanted. They wouldn’t nourish me. And I knew I wouldn’t feel good afterward.

I stopped myself mid-thought and asked:

What are the facts?

The facts were simple:

I do care how I feel
I do want to nourish my body
I do have healthy options available
And it wouldn’t take long

So I changed the story.

I went upstairs and made eggs — something I genuinely enjoy and feel good eating. It took maybe six minutes.

And that choice mattered.

Because I’ve learned something important:

Once you eat the food, it’s gone — but the after-effects stay with you.

The night before, I had followed the other story and eaten two bowls of Cinnamon Toast Crunch. I felt awful. I went to bed early and didn’t feel great the next day.

That experience alone was proof that the original story wasn’t true.

How Stories Snowball in Relationships

This pattern shows up all the time in relationships.

Maybe it looks like this:

Your partner leaves clothes on the floor. The house feels messy. And without saying a word, your mind jumps to:

He doesn’t care about the house like I do.
He doesn’t notice how much work I do.
If he cared about me, he’d help more.

But let’s pause.

What are the actual facts?

The facts are:

Clothes are on the floor
The house isn’t clean

That’s it.

Everything else is a story layered on top — and our brains naturally default to the negative.

Those stories pile up. Resentment builds. Conversations don’t happen. And suddenly a small moment turns into a much bigger issue.

The Practice I’m Learning

I’m not perfect at this — far from it — but here’s what I’m trying to do more intentionally:

Pause when I feel triggered
Ask myself what’s actually true
Separate facts from the story

And sometimes — especially in relationships — I’m learning to say it out loud:

“I think I’m making up a story in my head, and I want to talk about it.”

That sentence alone can stop things in their tracks.

Sometimes you’ll realize how silly the story sounds once it leaves your head. Other times, you’ll realize it is something that needs to be talked through — but now you’re starting from honesty instead of assumption.